Is there a Life outside of Thi

There is a life outside of this
And I am only dying to explore.
I keep my secrets to myself,
Only because I’m not too sure.

Could I be making the mistake of a lifetime,
Or could it be the for the best?
These feelings in my heart are telling me to go with it,
So eventually I’ll figure out the rest.

Although I look towards my future,
And count the days impatiently as they pass,
For now I am stuck in this insanity
With this depression feeling even heavier than last.

I feel like my heart has deflated to nothing.
What once was full and excited to be alive,
Is beginning to become inexistent
Even to beat it must strive.

I wake in the morning to the screaming,
I hesitate to even rise out of bed.
Yet, I force myself to this madness,
In hopes my own shadow will shoot me in the head.

I walk into the light,
And the first thing I hear is that voice
I try to ignore her yelling and bitching at me
Yet, I’m constantly reminded that I “have no choice”.

She continues to tell me I’m worthless
As I glance at my report card displaying “all A’s”
I want to cry since it is only for her that I try so hard
I’ve been trying to figure her reasoning for days.

All I wanted was to make her happy
I’ve played the sports that she liked best
I’ve studied, babysat and busted my ass for her
But she only listens to her husband, and punishes me like the rest.

This man, he’s not my dad,
Only the one who has brainwashed my mother.
He has made my life comparable to a Hellish Prison
By having obsessive control over myself, and any other.

I have begun to stop caring.
It’s worthless to even try when I can’t make them happy either way.
They thoughtlessly find reasons to punish me,
Meanwhile, I feel more entrapped every day.

Although there is an escape route from this tedious life,
It is extreme, yet do I dare?
The time is moving slowly and my head is fogging with thought,
As I continue to wonder.. would anyone even care?

I’ve been looking for ways to sidetrack these continuous thoughts of death.
They seem so tempting.. but then I realize what I had been thinking.
I’m scaring myself, but I don’t let people know.
I hide these emotions and my heart continues sinking.

Dreams, music, creativity, a pencil and paper
These have been my closest friends for the few months past.
I wish that the time could just pass itself by
So then I could leave, be myself and free at last.

Only because I’m not too sure.
I keep my secrets to myself,
And I am only dying to explore
…Please tell me …
There is a life outside of this.